Opie's visit to Trenton
by Obsessive Reader22
Summary: Opie Cummings is on vacation when she meets a guy at a diner. Next thing she knows, she wakes up in Trenton surrounded by the Plum cast. Just a short..may add a sequel, but like where it ended for now.  M for language.


CLINK-CLINK-CLINK.

What the fuck is that? I thought. My head was pounding in my skull as if my brain were trying to escape.

THUNK-THUNK

This time it was louder. I groaned, and opened my eyes. I was sitting in the front seat of my car, a 2011 black Corvette. It was bright outside and I could hear the faint buzz of city streets outside of the car. My head was leaning on the steering wheel, and my arms were dangling to my sides tingling with sleep.

"Ma'am." A deep voice called out. I turned my head towards toward my window and blinked a few times, trying to clear my vision. Finally it came in to focus.

"What the fuck." I whispered again, lifting my head. There was a cop at my window. Looking around the front seat of my car I realized that everything seemed to be intact. My purse, laptop bag and phone still lay next to me on the passenger seat. My keys dangled in the ignition, tilted back far enough to operate the electronics, but not far enough to run.

"Ma'am, you okay?" The officer spoke again, cupping his hand to his eyes and peering into the window. This time I noticed an East coast accent. Weird. I lifted my sleep ridden arm and pressed the button to lower the window.

"Yeah, I think so." I told the officer groggily. He didn't look convinced.

"Ma'am, can you get out of the car?" His tone suggested that I might need a lawyer, as he stood hands on hips with an untrusting scowl on his face.

"Sure." I unbuckled myself, and slowly opened the door. Stepping out, I smiled at him. "What can I do for you, officer?" Put on the charm, I thought. Maybe he'll just think I was napping. I looked around as he looked me over. Where the hell was I? My car was parallel parked next to a book store on a busy street in a fairy large city. I didn't remember driving here.

"Ma'am, I'm going to need to see your identification, registration and insurance." He held the door open for me. I pointed inside the car at my purse. He nodded so I reached across the seat and grabbed my wallet out of my purse, before reaching into the glove box for the rest of the information.

"ID." I handed him my driver's license and my military ID card. "Registration and Insurance." I held out the rest of the information, tossing my wallet onto the driver's seat.

He looked from the ID to me back to the ID. My driver's license had expired years ago, but because of my active duty status in the military, all I needed was a current military ID. Most cops knew this, but sometimes I would get some rookie that didn't have a clue.

"Have you had anything to drink today?" He asked, handing me back my information after he scribbled down the necessary information. I shook my head, taking in my surroundings again. I have no clue how I got here. The last thing I remember was pulling out of a parking lot at a diner outside of Des Moines, IA.

_I had been driving for hours and needed to stop, refuel and get something to eat. I pulled into a gas station that was across the street from a small mom and pop diner. The name drew me in; Shorty's. You could say that I am a pretty big Janet Evanovich fan, and couldn't miss the opportunity to say I ate at a Shorty's. After refueling, I walked into the diner and found a booth near the window so I could keep watch over my car. As a single female driving across the country, I felt a lot safer seeing my car. _

_I was on leave, after another stint in Afghanistan. I came home to find my husband gone and my house cleaned out and mortgaged. Yippee for me. My name is Ophelia Cummings, but mostly people me Opie. I am currently stationed at Fort Carson, Colorado. I am attached to the 10__th__ Special Forces group, but just as General's lackey bitch…or what my soldiers call me…Major. I have been active in the military for 5 years now, started out in ROTC my freshmen year of college, before going active pinning on my butter bar. I have pulled two tours in Iraq and two in Afghanistan, and now I was done. I had just a few months left on my contract, and was using up my leave. _

_The diner was fairly empty, only a few locals and truckers quietly sipping coffee, eating sandwiches and flirting with the waitress who looked to be close to 80. Picking up the menu, I waited for the waitress to take my order. I am sure that I stood out like a sore thumb. The rest of the patrons here were old and kind of frumpy. Not to brag, but I like to think that I am fairly good looking. At 28, I would have to say that I am in the peak of my physical life. Spending the past 5 years on and off in a warzone can encourage a girl to work out. My hair was dark brown and was wavy and blue eyes. Being fit, I am thin, but not a waif. I have an athletic build and was blessed with a nice set of boobs and ass. _

"_Mind if I join you?" A voice broke the silence. I looked up and saw a tall man with shaggy blonde hair, thread-bare t-shirt and ripped jeans. He was handsome and smelled amazing. I looked around and realized that he was in fact talking to me. I shrugged and nodded. _

"_Thanks." He said slipping into the seat across from me. "It's been a long day and I could use some company."_

"_Opie." I said, holding out my hand. He took it and smiled._

"_D" His voice was dreamy. Not in the sense that I wanted to hang off his shoulder, or carve his name into my notebook…but soothing and easy to trust. "You from around here?" He asked picking up the other menu and glancing down at it._

"_No. Just passing through." _

_He nodded his eyes never leaving the menu. "Where you heading?" _

_Normally, when I travel, the last thing that I would do would be to give a perfect stranger my itinerary, but for some reason I felt like I could tell this man anything._

"_I don't know." I said. This brought his head up from the menu, a smile spreading across his face._

"_You don't know?" He laughed, sending a hot flash shooting through me. _

"_I have a lot of leave on my hands and am not sure where to go. As for now, I am just driving until I see something that interests me." While I did have a few places that I thought would be fun to visit, I just wasn't sure where I was going. The waitress stopped at our table and we both ordered. I ordered a guacamole burger with fries and a Coke. He ordered practically the entire menu!_

"_You must be hungry!" I said crossing my hands on the table. _

"_I burn a lot of energy." He smiled again. Man. I thought. If he does that too many times I might have to stop and change my panties. "So, you are in the service?"_

"_Yeah." The waitress dropped off our drinks. I took a long sip of my Coke before I finished my answer. "I just got back from a deployment. My contract is up, and I am using the last of my leave before I get out. One last hoorah on paid leave, you know?"_

"_Yeah. I understand that."_

"_So, what brings you here?" My fingers were still on my straw gently swirling the ice in my glass._

"_I am just on my way to Jersey. I have a friend that I have to see." He took a drink of his chocolate milk shake. "Have you ever been there?"_

"_No. Been a lot of places, but never Jersey. Where in Jersey?"_

"_Trenton." He said flatly. I giggled. "You must have been there if you giggled. That place is a joke."_

"_No. I've been reading this book series and it takes place there." I shook my head. "My sister and I joke all the time about going there just to say we were there."_

_He smiled. "Let me guess…it involves a curly haired chick, a cop and a mercenary?" I laughed, blushing and nodded my head. "Yeah…I've heard of it."_

_The waitress was at the table handing out the masses of plates. We both dug in, realizing that we must have been hungrier then we were talkative. I finished my burger and ate my fries slowly watching him inhale two burgers, a mound of fries, fried chicken, chili and a plate of spaghetti._

"_You must have been hungry." I laughed, pouring more ketchup on my fries. He smiled and shrugged. "You must work out constantly if you eat like that and still stay thin."_

"_I have a really high metabolism, and I am pretty active." He said nonchalantly. "Want dessert? It's on me."_

_I thought about it for a moment. I saw chocolate cake when I sat down, and it looks really really good. "Sure."_

_He raised his hand and motioned the waitress over. "Two slices of Chocolate cake, please."_

"_How did you know what I wanted?" I flirted._

"_You look like a chocolate cake kind of girl."_

_We flirted and chatted about nothing eating our cake. I glanced down at my watch. We had been sitting here for over two hours!_

"_Oh shit." I said, grabbing my purse. "I've been here too long. I was hoping to get to Phillie before I called it a night."_

"_Well, it was really nice meeting you Opie." He stood, giving me a hand to help me to my feet before shaking it. "I'm going to be in Trenton for a while. If you manage your way up there, give me a call." He flipped out a small white card and handed it to me. _

"_Thanks." I looked down at his card and did a double take. "Hey, is your name really Diesel?" I looked up, but he was gone. There were two fifties sitting on the table…more than enough to cover our bill. I hurried out to the parking lot to see if I could catch him before he left…but he was nowhere to be seen. I got into my car and got back onto the interstate._

"Ma'am, are you sure you're okay?" He asked again, this time gently laying a hand on my shoulder.

"Sorry. I'm fine. It's just been a long drive." I took a deep breath and focused on the cop. He was wearing a dark blue uniform tight in all the right places, and looking more like C.H.I.P.S. and less like the cops I was used to. He had dark hair, dark eyes and a light olive complexion. "Would you recommend a place to eat close by?"

He smiled, leaned up against my car and spoke. "Heck yeah I do. Pinos is just down the road a ways. I am headed there to pick up lunch for the guys. You can follow me if you'd like?"

"Did you say Pino's?" I asked, shaking my head. He cocked an eyebrow and looked and me before nodding. Okay. I thought. Weird. "Sure that would be great."

"Alright. Follow me." He headed back to his patrol car, and waited until I was back into my car before he pulled in front of me.

This is so fucked up. I thought as I followed the blue and white down a few blocks, turning at a stop light. We pulled in front of a nice sized pizza joint with the name, Pino's, in bright yellow lettering over the door. He waited for me as I grabbed my purse and phone and remoted my car locked.

"That's a nice car." He said, tilting his head to the side admiring my car. "What is it?"

"It's a brand new Camero." I can't believe that he hadn't seen one yet. They were everywhere at Fort Carson. Although, military guys usually go out and buy flashy cars the minute they get back from a deployment, so I guess that my view is different. "Just got it a couple weeks ago. It was my homecoming present to myself."

"Homecoming?" He asked, as he held the door open for me.

"Yeah. I just got back from Afghanistan." He smiled and nodded, pointing towards the counter and pulling out a stool for me.

"What branch?"

"Army. Almost six years. My contract just ended, so in a few weeks I will be done with military life." A large man hustled over to us behind the counter, shook the cops hand and nodded to me.

"Pino." The man said, shaking my hand.

"Opie." I smiled back. Pino gave a slight nod to the cop and turned back to working behind the counter. -I turned towards the cop realizing that I didn't get his name yet. "I forgot to ask you your name?"

He smiled back at me. "Yes you did." He jutted out his hand and I shook it. "Carl…Carl Constanta. Wanna Coke?"

"Sure. Nice to meet you." I said, shaking his hand. Then it hit me like a brick. "Did you say Carl Constanta?"

"Yeah." He said slowly. "Pino! Two cokes down here." He hollered across the counter.

I laughed, shaking my head. "Sorry…I have just had the strangest day. It's like I am in the twilight zone."

"Why do you say that?" He leaned against the counter, looking at me. Pino had slid two large glasses of ice cold coke in front of us. I pulled the paper off the straw and stuck it in my glass.

"I am not exactly sure how I made to it Trenton to be honest." I took a long drink of my coke. "And between Shorty's, Diesel, Pino's and now you…" I motioned to him. "I am just waiting to see Morelli walk through the door."

"You know Morelli?" He asked, taking a drink himself. "His lunch break was an hour ago."

My mouth went dry, and my heart thudded in my chest. I could feel myself swaying back and forth like I was going to pass out. This is so not good. I thought. What the hell is going on? A dull roar filled my ears and my lids were getting heavy. Carl must have noticed that I was going to pass out.

"Oh shit." He exclaimed, pushing my stool back and pushing my head between my knees. "Breath." He reached for something in his pocket. "Just breathe." I took several deep breaths, surprised that the whole head between the knees thing actually works. "Joe…hey it's Carl. I need you to get to Pino's. There's a chick here who knows you." A pause. "Shit I don't know. But she almost passed out when I told her I knew you." Another pause. The roar was subsiding, and my stomach stopped rolling uncomfortably. "Yeah. In ten."

I groaned, pulling myself to a sitting position. When I looked around, every pair of eyes was on me. I groaned again and wiped my face with my hands.

"You okay?" Carl asked, bending down to look me in the eyes. "Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"No. I'm fine. I just…fuck..." I didn't know what I thought. How did I end up in the Plum universe? Then it dawned on me. Either I am dead, in a coma someplace or Diesel really is real and fucked with my life. "Fuck me." I sighed and smiled weakly.

A smile swept across Carl's face, and he leaned in towards me. "I just met you. Plus, I haven't even bought you lunch." He chuckled, his laugh deep and friendly. He grabbed my Coke and handed it to me. "Take a drink. It will make you feel better."

"Thanks." I took a sip, enjoying the cold it spread across my throat and chest. "Okay, so I have to ask a couple of questions."

"Shoot." He pushed my stool back into the bar and sat next to me.

"I am in Trenton, New Jersey." I said, eyebrows raised. He nodded. "Your name is Carl Costanza." Another nod. "This place is PIno's." Another nod and a head shake. "And you know Joseph Morelli. The Joseph hottest-ass-in-Trenton Morelli?"

"I wouldn't say that he has the hottest ass, but yes."

"Okay." I took a deep breath. I can do this. I thought. I just have to figure out when I am and we will be all good. I must have had a glazed look on my face because he touched my arm softly.

"You gonna be alright?" He asked.

"Yeah. I think so." My voice was straining. I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry, whoop in excitement, or curl up in the fetal position and pray that the men in white coats would bring good drugs.

"Constanza." A deep voice called from behind me. I sat up straight in my chair, afraid to turn around. Carl wasn't a main character, but if the man who that voice belonged to was who I thought it was…I might faint. I heard the footsteps coming towards us. My heart raced in my chest. Just calm down. I told myself. This could all be a dream. Enjoy it. I turned around coming face to face with the Italian Stallion himself…Joseph Morelli. He was gorgeous. Dark thick wavy hair, dark eyes, beautiful complexion and a body to die for. He smiled, officially ruining the panties I was wearing. He stuck out his hand, and I took it shakily.

"Joe Morelli." He said, shook gently eyeing me up and down. There was a moment of awkward silence where both Carl and Joe just stared at me. "So…Carl here told me that you asked about me. Do I know you?"

"Uhhhh…no." My voice was curt. "I've just heard about you…uhhh…Burg grapevine." Nice save. I thought to myself.

He chuckled, running his hands through his hair. "Yeah. It can be a bitch."

"Hey, I have to get back to my shift." Carl said, as Pino brought over two large white paper bags. "It was nice meeting you, Opie." He took out a small white card and passed it to me. "Call me if you want to hang out." I took it and thanked him.

"So, what's your name?" Joe asked, taking up Carl's stool.

"Opie." I said, taking a sip of my Coke. He looked at me like I grew another head. "Ophelia…Ophelia Cummings." He smiled.

"You aren't from the Burg." He stated, waving to Pino and pointing to my glass. "I would know you if you had been." Pino dropped a Coke in front of Joe and sauntered off.

"No, I'm not. I actually am about to move from Colorado." I was playing with my straw.

"What are you doing here?"

"I am on leave." I was fidgeting in my seat nervously. "Just got back from Afghanistan. Had some use-or-lose leave on the books and wanted to use them up before I got out." He nodded; his face showed that he was impressed. "Army." I said.

"Navy man, myself."

"I know." Shit. He is going to think I was a stalker. "So, ummm…do you know of a place that I can stay for a little bit? I don't know anything about Trenton and don't want to stay at some rat-hole."

"Yeah. There's a nice hotel over on Haywood." He pulled out a cell phone. My mind was reeling. Haywood…that's where Rangeman is. Before I could stop myself my mouth just had to share my excitement.

"Isn't Rangeman on Haywood?" Shit. Fuck. Damn. God, I don't even want to know what this man is thinking I am.

"You know about Rangeman?" He asked, obviously shocked. "They are pretty tight-lipped about it. Don't even advertise. How do you know them?" Shit. Think. I thought. Think.

"Uhhh..I was stationed at Fort Carson with 10th Special Forces Group. Word gets around." I sighed. Good save. "Always wanted to check it out." More like check out whose inside.

"Cool." He smiled. "I can bring you over there if you want? It's just down the street from the hotel." He grinned.

"That would be awesome." I reached into my pocket and pulled out a five dollar bill and slapped it on the counter.

"Where are you parked?" He asked, finishing off his Coke and tossing money on the counter as well.

"Just out front. I have the black Camero." I pulled my purse up on my shoulder and pointed out the front window.

"Nice car. I noticed it when I came in." He reached for the door and held it open to me. "After you." He winked at me and smiled. OH MY GOD! I think I just messed myself. Joe Morelli was hitting on me! In my head I was doing a teenage happy dance. "Follow me."

He slid into a crappy looking Crown Vic and pulled out into traffic. I followed him down a few streets, making left turns and right turns and soon I was completely turned around. He pulled up in front of a large brick building and parked. I pulled up behind him, getting out of the car.

"Here it is." He pointed to the building. "Most of the guys that work here are pretty cool guys. Tough crowd, lots of muscles but not a whole lot upstairs if you know what I mean. We work with them a lot…mostly as assists during big takedowns or when the Feds come to town."

"Cool." I looked up at the building. It was totally unremarkable, and didn't say anywhere that it was Rangeman. Just a small metal plaque with the address on it.

"Wanna go inside?" He put his arm on my back and gently guided me toward the door. My heart rate kicked up about four notches. He opened the frosted glass door and walked into what I assumed was the lobby. A huge black clad man sat behind the desk. Stephanie Plum didn't do these men any justice...he was sex on a stick.

"Morelli." The man said, his voice a deep baritone and hinted a southern accent.

"Woody." Morelli said, leading me right up to the desk. "I've got a friend here who heard about you guys. She belongs to the 10th Special Forces Group at Carson. Thought I would bring her by…you know, since you Army nuts are one big family."

Woody grunted. I must have been standing there with my mouth agape, because Joe looked at me and laughed.

"Holy Shit, Woody." He laughed again. "I think you broke her."

"Sorry." I said, clumsily feeling the blush raise to my cheeks. "I just pictured you different…well, not so tall." They both looked at me and then back at each other. I guess that the identities of the Merry Men weren't common knowledge. Since I was already making a fool out of myself I might as well just go for the glory, right. "So…" I rocked back on my heels nervously. "Is there any chance that Ranger would be around?" This got two open mouth stares from me.

"You know Ranger?" Woody asked, picking up the phone off the desk and pressing a speed dial button.

"Sort of…more of I know about him." I was starting to think that I should have just kept my mouth shut. Woody whispered something unintelligible into the phone before hanging it up. We all stood in silence. I sighed, looking from the ceiling to the floor to the walls…anything to look them in the eyes. "Maybe I can come back another time…" I began to rattle off before the elevator doors, to the left of the room, slid open. The largest man I have ever seen strode out. I knew immediately who he was. "Holy Shit! That's Tank." I whispered.

"Do I know you?" Tank said his voice deep and gruff almost like Vin Diesel. He stood a foot away so I had to tilt my head almost all the way back to see him. I was 5'8"…not short…but in this room I was.

"Ummmm..Not exactly." I began nervously picking at my nails. "Mostly I just know of you."

"From where." His voice boomed again, making me jump.

"Ummm…I can't say." My voice was soft. Man the fuck up. I told myself. You're a god-damned Major in the US Army…act like it. I squared my shoulders, cracked my neck and stuck out my hand. "Major Cummings."

"Major." Tank saluted with a grin, followed by Woody. Sweet…I have rank I can pull.

"Now, your turn. Name…Rank."

"MSGT Sherman." Tank said, standing tall and wearing a smile.

"SSGWilson." Woody said behind me.

"Now, would it be possible for me to meet this illustrious Carlos Manoso?" God I was going to either have a hell of a lot of fun with this…or they were going to ship me off to a third world country.

"I would need to see your ID, Ma'am." Tank said. "Security purposes." I pulled out my ID and handed it to him. He looked it over, before flipping open his phone. "Security check…Cummings, Ophelia MAJ 6656." He nodded, waited a moment and flipped his phone shut. "Right this way, Major."

"Well, I guess this is where I get off." Morelli said, jutting out his hand.

"Thanks." I smiled at him. "It was really great meeting you. I hope that we will get to see each other again before I leave."

"Oh…" He smiled, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing it gently. "I'm pretty sure that can be arranged." He winked and walked out the door.

"Ma'am." Tank said, holding the elevator open. I stepped inside, and watched as Tank pressed FIVE. When they opened again, he held the door for me and motioned for me to step out. I did, taking in the room. It was huge. One wall was rows of screens, more than likely where they had monitor duty. Cubicles scattered the rest of the room, as did a great deal of beautiful black clad men. Yummy.

"This way." Tank walked in front of me. I followed, my eyes scanning over the faces, trying to see if I recognized anyone. I was so enthralled with the men that I almost ran into Tank's rear. He was standing in front of an office, holding the door open. "Have a seat. He will be in, in a few moments."

"Thank you, Tank." I smiled as I walked into the room. It was minimally furnished with very bulky masculine furniture. I chose a comfortable looking dark brown leather chair that sat directly in front of the huge dark wood desk. My legs were trembling, as I chewed my bottom lip. Flipping through my purse I grabbed out a mirror, hoping that I didn't look too terrible. Nope..Makeup still intact, hair still good.

I pulled out my phone, and rummaged in my pockets for the card that I had gotten from Diesel. I was in this too deep without knowing what the hell was going on. I am pretty sure that he would be able to tell me. I dialed quickly, looking over my shoulder for anyone coming into the room.

"Diesel."

"This is Opie. I met you at a diner in Iowa. Do you remember me?" I quickly and quietly spat out.

"Of course I do. How's it going?" He was relaxed, almost lazy in his speech.

"Do you know why I am in Trenton?" I said.

"Sure. You wanted a vacation."

"How did I get here? These people…you…are fictional characters! Am I dead?" I was whispering, but I could hear how frantic my tone was. "Please. I think I fucked up."

"First off…I am not fictional…just of another plane of existence. Second, you aren't dead that's just gross. And lastly…what did you do?"

Taking a deep breath I spilled. "I ran into Morelli. He brought me to Rangeman...and now I am waiting in Ranger's office. What the fuck should I do? I don't know why I got myself into this...i couldn't resist...what should I do!"

"Calm down!" He sighed exasperated. "Just enjoy it. If you get into deep shit…call me."

"What!" I screeched. "Enjoy it! How am I supposed to enjoy it? I don't even know what the hell I am doing here!" Diesel was laughing through the phone. "I swear…I am not a violent person, and frankly you were my number two fantasy fictional character...but I do know how to kill a man with my bare hands…"

"Who's your number one?" Diesel asked coyly.

"Who do you think! Of course its Ranger…he's the only one it could be. Morelli is okay...but kind of a stooge."

"I wouldn't call him a stooge, and I'm flattered that I am the one…but what exactly am I?" A sexy voice with a hint of an accent said behind me.

"Fuck." I whispered. Still holding the phone to my ear. I was scared to turn around. I slammed my eyes shut listening to Diesel have almost an attack from laughing so hard.

"Have fun!" He gasped in between barks of laughter and then disconnected.

I could feel Ranger walking in front of me, smell his Bulgari. It smelled amazing, and I could almost feel my toes curling in my boots.

"Everything alright, Major?" He asked. I was still sitting there…eyes closed tightly probably a look of utter embarrassment and fear on my face. I took a deep breath and slowly opened my eyes.

"Holy Mother of Jesus H. Christ on roller skates." I gasped out. Standing in front of me was hands down the most attractive man I have ever seen…no, ever dreamed of.

"Excuse me?" His mouth tilted up in an almost smile. (It's hard to explain…it's like he wants to smile...but his face just wont let him.)

"Sorry." I covered my mouth, hoping to stop anything else from flying out of my mouth without my brain's permission. I put out my hand. "Major Ophelia Cummings. Opie for short."

"Well, Major Cummings it's nice to meet you." He took my hand, and I felt a zing rush through my body and straight to my doo-dah. "You already know who I am…may I ask how you know?"

"Ummm…." I looked around the room, trying desperately to come up with something. "It's classified. Sorry."

"There is no clearance higher than what I have." He smirked…yes, smirked. Holy Pete…I can die today and be happy. "How about...What can I do for you?"

"Well…I'm not exactly sure." I was wringing my hands nervously as he leaned up against his desk, crossing his arms over his chest. "I just returned from my fourth deployment, and had some use or lose. Ended up here, and had heard about you...wanted to see the legend in person."

"I know about your deployment. Good work over there. 10th SFG is a good crew, and I have worked with them before. I understand that you are at the end of your contract. Have you decided what you wanted to do afterwards?"

"I don't know. I didn't think that I was going to have to decide anything so soon." I watched as he lifted a single eyebrow.

"Oh, yes. The husband. That's rough." I could feel my mouth drop.

"How did you..." I shook my head. "You're Ranger…that's how you know. Batman knows everything."

"Batman?" He asked, slowly standing up.

"Shit…yeah. I thought that was your nickname?" I laughed nervously.

"Only a few people know about that…and I highly doubt that you are associated with them." He squared his shoulders. "What are you doing here?"

"I told you..."

"It's a bunch of shit." His tone was scary as was the glare I was getting. "Who sent you here?"

"No one…well, someone...but I didn't want to come. He just brought me here." My mouth was just running without any control from me. "I met him in a diner in Iowa. I didn't know who it was until I ended up here. And then Carl Constanza called Morelli and then he brought me to you."

"Stop." He barked, making me jump a foot off my seat. "Who. Sent. You?" His tone made me want to pee my pants.

"Diesel." I sobbed, holding back tears. "Diesel brought me here and I don't know how to get back."

"Diesel?"

"Yeah. Stephanie's friend. Christmas with the elves? The midget horse whisperer who thought he was a leprechaun?" I was almost hyperventilating.

"How do you know about…" he started, but my phone chirped loudly in my purse. I frantically dug through it grabbing out my phone and sliding the lock. It was a text message from Diesel.

HAVING FUN? TELL BATMAN TO TAKE A PILL, ALL THAT STRESS IS GOING TO KILL HIM.

I giggled nervously, before looking up into Ranger's eyes. He was shooting daggers through his eyes.

"Ummm…Diesel." I said pointing to my phone. "Told me to tell you to take a pill, and that all that stress is going to kill you."

"Shit." He pressed his fingers against his temples. "I don't have time for this." He pressed a button on his desk phone. "I'm going to ask that you stay here for a bit so my team can check on you. We will bring your car into the garage and give you someplace more comfortable to stay. You understand my need for this kind of security?"

"Yeah." I mumbled, shaking nervously. "I understand."

A giant, sexpot strode through the door with a flaming skull tattooed to his forehead. "Cal." I whispered, staring at him. Ranger and Cal both whipped their heads in my direction. Shit I did it again.

"How do you know my men?" Ranger growled, leaning down hands on the arms of my chair and pushing himself in my face.

"I don't know them...I just know of them." I stuttered, and pointed to Cal. "Flaming skull tattoo…that's Cal. I knew Tank because…he's a tank."

"Who else do you know that works with me?" He was inches away from my face, his breath hot and sweet on my face. Oh God…I'm gonna die. I reached for my phone and tried to dial Diesel. Ranger ripped it out of my hand and handed it to Cal. "Answer me." Out of sheer terror I answered.

"Ummm…Bobby Brown, Lester Santos, Hal, Hector, Bones, Junior, Woody, Vince, Silvio, Fredrick Rodriquez, Ram, Alvirez, Manuel Ramos, Zero, Roy, Caesar, Binkie, Ella and Louis and then I know there's at least one more..but I forgot his name." Ranger and Cal stood, blank faces staring back at me. It was a game my girlfriend and I played in Iraq…memorize the Merry men. It took forever, but we finally managed it…but I always felt like I was missing one. Ranger was still inches away from my face. I stared into his dark eyes, almost black before I remembered that I was missing someone. I jumped in my seat, causing Ranger grab a hold of my arms. "I forgot one.." He raised his eyebrows, daring me to say. "Stephanie Plum."

"TANK!" Ranger roared. His eyes never leaving mine. I heard (and felt) Tank run through the exterior room and into Ranger's office.

"Yeah, Ranger?"

"Put Maj Cummings in an apartment on four. At least two guards at all times. Total lockdown." He took his hands off my arms before pulling me to my feet. "Arms out." I followed his directions, shaking slightly. He patted me down, which would have been a wet dream for me…but now I was just scared shitless.

"Please. I didn't mean any harm. Let me call Diesel. Maybe he can explain what is going on." I pleaded. He once again grabbed my arm and all but threw me at Tank. "Please, Ranger…Please…." Tears were running down my face. "I don't know what's going on either…he did this."

"Get her out of my sight. I want her car brought in and searched." He turned to me. "You better hope that I don't find anything out of sorts, Major. I don't play well with others."

I was sobbing as Tank drug me through what I assumed was the Communication's room to the elevator. He silently pressed FOUR and we descended a floor. When the opened, he roughly continued escorting me to through a hallway to a white door. There were two men standing in front of the door, one was a tall, very muscular Hispanic man that reminded me of Ranger. The other was a tall black man with corn-rows.

"Santos, Brown." Tank barked as we approached the door. "This is Maj Cummings. She is a Level 3 threat. You know what you need to do."

"Les?" I whispered, looking desperately into his green eyes. His stare was cold and without any emotion.

"Major, you WILL stay in this room. Food will be brought to you. Your things, once searched and cleared will be brought to you as well. These two men." He pointed to Les and Bobby. "Are under orders to shoot to kill…no mercy. So, don't fuck with them. Is that understood?"

"Yes." I spoke softly, trying not to start sobbing again. He opened the door and flung me inside, where I almost fell onto the floor barely catching myself. I heard the door slam behind me, taking away any spot of light that was in the room.

I sunk to the floor, leaning against the wall by the door, my legs not able to hold me up any longer. I put my head in my hands and cried…sobbing loudly. I was sure that anyone that was outside the door, or even on the floor could hear me.

'I am so stupid.' I thought. 'I am probably going to die..or get shipped off to a third world country. I just want to go home.' Then I remembered…I don't have one anymore. My rat-bastard of a husband lost the house, sold all my things and ran off with God knows who. The tears were still falling, but the feeling in my chest wasn't as much fear as it was anger.

I stood, slamming my hands on the door, then kicking it and screaming.

"You fucking assholes. Who the hell do you think you are? I am a MAJOR in the God-Damned United States Fucking ARMY!" I kicked the door again. "I didn't do anything to provoke this asinine macho bullshit behavior!" I flipped on the light switch, looking for something I can throw finding a picture frame hanging on the wall across from me. I ripped it from the wall and flung it into the darkened apartment, hearing it hit something else and cause an even louder crash. "I come in through the fucking front door!" I threw a metal bowl on the table by the door. "Following procedures, being polite and this is what you do!" I grabbed the table and flipped it over crashing into the wall. "Fucking Stephanie Plum breaks into Ranger's god-damned apartment and what happens to her! NOTHING! NOT A GOD-DAMNED THING!" I screamed, kicking the door again before sliding back to the floor crying. "I hate this. I didn't do anything wrong." My voice was scratchy from screaming, so I just cried, wrapping my arms around my body. It felt like hours before sleep finally overcame me.

I was startled awake by the door scraping open against the end table I had over tipped.

"What the fuck." A man whispered. Bright light from the hallway flooded the small foyer that I had been sleeping in. I squinted my eyes against the light and put a hand to shade my eyes. The man's form was large, and filled almost the entire doorway. "Maj Cummings."

"What." I said coldly.

"Would you please come with me."

"Why." I glared at the darkened shadow.

"Because you have some explaining to do." The man grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet.

"Take your fucking hands off of me." I had pushed fear back hours ago, and was pure hostility. The man tightened his grip and leaned in towards me. He was handsome, but menacing.

"Major. You are not in a position to argue. I would recommend that you become compliant. You will give us the answers we need, and we will use whatever force we deem necessary."

I squinted my eyes at him. "That's a pretty big word for a big dumb thug." I spat. "Hitting a woman make you guys feel better about your inadequacies?"

The man took a deep breath, pulling me to my feet and dragging me out the door. I kicked and hit trying to stop him from taking me anywhere. It was when I dug my nails into his arm that he turned and brought me, feet off the floor, by my shirt up to his face.

"You are trying my patience." He growled. "Now stop or I will bring you there unconscious."

Looking into his eyes was like seeing death. This man could kill me without breaking a sweat. I sagged against his hands, as he set me back on my feet. He pulled me into the elevator and brought pressed "B". My eyes widened, trying desperately to remember what the books said about Rangeman. What was in the basement? Interrogation rooms, lock-up cells, torture chambers. My mind was racing, heart following close in second.

I looked back up at my escort, wondering who he was. Since I probably wasn't going to survive this..I might as well ask him. "What is your name?" He looked down at me and raised an eyebrow. "Come on. If I am going to die down here, I should at least know who the hell my death dealer was."

"Junior." He said coldly, turning back to face the elevator doors.

"Les was always my favorite. And Hector of course." I babbled. At this point I didn't care anymore. "Although Ranger was always number one." I sighed, looking up at Junior who was staring at me with a look somewhere between curiosity and frustration. "What?"

"Who the fuck are you?" He asked quietly. Pulling me out the doors as they slid open.

"I'm nobody. You should hear the ladies on Fanfic…they are really hardcore." I shook my head, laughing about the last time I was on one of the websites. "Now those girls would have you all naked and sweaty in ten minutes." I was babbling again as we walked down a darkened hallway doors staggering on either side. I counted four doors to the left before he opened the door and yanked me inside. There was a metal chair, a metal table bolted to the floor, a mirror and a bank of overhead lights.

"Nice." I nodded. "So is this where y'all are going to kill me? Can I at least see some of you naked? It's the least you can do." I swear I heard Junior giggle as he walked out the door, slamming it. I sighed, sitting in the chair and kicking my feet up on the table.

I jumped as the door swung open, Tank and Ranger stepping inside carrying my laptops, phone and a manila folder. Tank set my stuff on the table in front of me, before leaning back and flipping a switch near the mirror. A projection screen slid down and the lights dimmed and I watched as my laptop's home screen covering the wall. I watched as Ranger circled around me, swatting my feet off the table and pushing me against it. He slammed his hands on either side of the table over me and leaned in.

"Care to explain where you got your information?" Ranger's voice was cold and deathly scary. He clicked a small black remote in his left hand the screen filled with my digital book program. One for the money filled the screen. "Where did you get this information?"

"I bought it on the internet." I said, slumped my shoulders and jumped as he slammed his right hand down on the table again.

"Answer the fucking question."

"I downloaded it from Amazon." I stuttered. "I have all of them."

"All of what?" Ranger said. "It looks like you have been stalking Ms. Plum."

"What?" I turned my head around coming face to face with one scary man. "Listen have your tech guys trace its origins. It's a book downloaded off . Millions of copies have been sold digitally..and probably even more in print."

"There is no trace. It was uploaded from an outside source." He growled, clicking the remote one more time. "Who is this?" I looked up and laughed. A back cover picture of Janet Evanovich was on the screen.

"Fuck my life, this is a fucking joke." I groaned. Ranger obviously didn't see the humor of what I was seeing. He tossed the remote on the table, grabbed the chair and spun me around, pulled me out of my chair and slammed me up against the wall. His hands were curled into my shirt, and once again my feet were dangling off the ground. My heart jumped as he pressed himself against me and moved his face an inch away from my own.

"Talk. Or I will let Tank take care of you." His eyes were cold. "And he always likes to play with his prey before he kills it."

"Lula would kick his ass." I spit out, unable to control my brain to mouth functions with Ranger this close.

"What the…who the fuck?" Tank was on his feet barreling towards me when Ranger spoke.

"Wait." He turned back to me. "How is it that you know all this?"

"I read it in the books you found on my computer." I motioned towards the table with my head. "I am not a stalker, or a spy, or anything like that."

"Where did you get the books?" He stared into my eyes, trying to find gives that I would be lying.

"The internet…okay, some I got from my girlfriend..she bought them, and then I copied them onto my computer." I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. "I don't know how this happened. Last thing I knew I was sitting in a diner chatting with some nice guy, the next minute I wake up here….the fucking Twilight zone."

"Diesel." Ranger said, more of an affirmation and less of a question.

"Yes." I wiggled a little, my feet starting to get tingly with lack of circulation. "I have his card in my pocket. Call him."

"Which pocket?" Ranger asked, setting my feet on the floor but still holding onto my collar with both hands.

"Back left." I watched as he released his hand from my shirt and reach into my back pocket for the card. This officially sucks. I thought darkly. I finally have Ranger touching my ass and it's only because he wants to kill me. Dragging me by my collar, he set me back down into my chair.

"You are going to call him and tell him to meet you at Central Park by the duck pond." He said, reaching for my cell phone and setting it in front of me. He dialed Diesel's number and put it on speaker phone. My eyes shifted from my phone, to Ranger, to Tank and back down. As the phone rang, I took a deep breath trying to calm my voice.

"Trouble already?" Diesel's deep voice rang out through the phone. "Thought you would at least have a little fun first." Ranger nudged me.

"Diesel. I need you to meet me." I looked up at Ranger, gulping. "At the park by the duck pond."

"What a ska-douche." Diesel's voice ground out. "I bring you all the way from….well, from Iowa to meet the gang and he locks you up." He let out a sigh. "Did he hurt you at all?"

"No." I said curtly. "But he might as well have." Ranger scowled at me. "Is there any chance that you could possibly come and explain to them that I am not a fucking terrorist so I don't end up chopped up and canned in dog food?"

Diesel laughed, lightening my heart a little. "Yeah. I will be right there, don't move. And Ranger." I turned and saw Ranger's eyebrows perk up. "This here is a war hero…I better not come there and find that she was mistreated. And get her something to eat…I am sure that it's been a while."

"You fucking.." Ranger spat.

"Get her out of the basement, and someplace more comfortable. I will be in the garage in five minutes. Tell your men not to shoot me…it pisses me off." And with that he disconnected.

I stole a look over to Tank who was shaking his head. Ranger sighed, pulled me up by my arm and drug me out of the room and to the elevator. We were heading to the fifth floor, and while I was relieved to be out of the interrogation room, I was leery of the guys' attitude towards me.

As the elevator doors slid open and Ranger began dragging me out I spoke. "Please, I can walk." He stopped and turned to look at me with his blank face still slammed in place. Stepping right up next to me, he leaned and whispered into my ear.

"I don't know who you are, and I don't trust you. You aren't going to be out of my sight until I can figure out what the hell is going on." His breath was hot against my neck, and I shivered unconsciously. "We will wait in my office, and I expect you to behave yourself. I will NOT tolerate you having a temper tantrum there."

"I didn't have a temper tantrum." I spat out, narrowing my brows. "You can be a real dick, you know that?" This got a smile.

"Yeah. I do." He finished pulling me into his office and set me down in the chair I had occupied before. "Sit and stay."

"Arf!" I said. "What next, want me to fetch? I'm not your dog." I crossed my arms and legs and hurmphed. Ranger just shook his head and walked towards the door.

"Santos, get Ms. Cummings something to eat. We are going to be having a visitor in the garage in a few minutes, make sure that he doesn't get shot."

"Sure, Ranger." A deep voice echoed, followed by footsteps.

Ranger strolled back into the room, and positioned himself against the desk. He stared at me, arms crossed. After a minute, I was uncomfortable.

"I was so wrong about you." I scowled, no longer caring about the repercussions. "I always defended you against the fucking Cupcakes. But there's no way that they were right about him."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He shook his head.

"You and Joe." I uncrossed my legs and stared at him. "Neither of you are good enough for Stephanie. Joe's a complete asshole, and you…well, you are just a jerk. I hope that she realizes it soon and stops pining after you."

"While I agree about Joe being an ass, you are completely wrong about Stephanie. She doesn't pine for me." He put air quotes up when he said 'pine'. I rolled my eyes. Way to ruin the image, Batman. "She and I work together. I am her mentor, her friend."

"Uh-huh…sure. Whatever you have to tell yourself." I almost smiled when his blank face shifted slightly and I could see the frustration.

"Is that why you are here?" He asked. "Playing matchmaker?"

"Not for you." I scoffed. "You are on my shit list. And I have told you…I didn't bring me here…I don't know why the hell I am here."

Ranger sighed, and rubbed a hand over his face. "What did Diesel mean when he said that you are a war hero?"

"Doesn't you little file tell you that?" I replied snidely, really starting to get irritated.

"You are an enigma. There's nothing about you except for your name, rank, and current command. Your service records are blank, your birth certificate is non-existent and nothing else makes sense."

"I'm not a war hero." I said shifting in my seat. Just as Ranger was about to ask another question, a loud buzz sounded. Ranger didn't move, but waited his eyes narrowing slightly.

"Your friend is here."

There were hurried footsteps in the communication room, before Diesel's voice boomed into the room.

"You are such a fuckwit, Batman." Diesel growled, stomping into the room and slamming the door.

"Fuck you, Freakboy." Ranger spat, pushing himself off the desk and squaring his shoulders.

"You need to apologize to this woman and learn how to not jump to conclusions." Diesel walked up next to my chair and put an arm on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry that this happened. Usually, I can diffuse situations before they get to this point. Are you okay? Did they feed you?"

"I'm fine. Mostly just pissed off." I stood up, turning to face him. He was tall, a good 6 to 8 inches taller than me. I poked him in the chest. "Why did you bring me here? What in the hell is going on? And…how the fuck are you going to get me back home?" Each question I asked him, I would poke him.

"Jesus, woman." He rubbed his chest. "Relax and let me tell you."

Ranger was stewing. Anger washing over him…radiating through every pore. It was fairly obvious that there was extremely bad blood in between them.

"Ranger, sit down. Let's talk about all this." Diesel motioned to Ranger's desk chair, before sitting down in my chair and pulling me down into his lap. I jumped up, and began to argue with him. "Just sit down, Opie. I'm not going to try anything." I settled back into his lap, unnerving but comfortable.

"This is Major Opie Cummings." Diesel said, pointing to me. "She is a four-time Operation Freedom veteran, and was awarded three silver stars, two purple hearts and enough bling to stand next to your uniform." I rolled my eyes. I hated it when people outed my military service. "She recently returned from Afghanistan to find her husband shacked up with someone, her house foreclosed and her possessions sold. Her contract is up in 30 days and she wanted to take some R & R."

"What does that have to do with.." Ranger began.

"Give me a second." Diesel shushed Ranger…seriously..shushed Ranger! "I happened across her at a diner in Iowa. When she told me that she loved the Bombshell Bounty hunter I couldn't refuse. She deserves to have a little fun, and frankly I thought that you and your boys would let her play along a little bit."

"How does she know so much about us?" Ranger said, gritting his teeth.

"Well, that's my fault really." My eyebrows quirked up, and he winked at me. "I gave her the information. She was curious, and she enjoyed the stories I told her."

"My life is not for entertainment." Ranger said, slowly. His tone was screaming…I can kill you in your sleep.

"Oh, give it up. This place is Fort Knox." Diesel smiled, but Ranger snorted. "You can trust her."

"Diesel, this is stupid. Just take me back." I urged, covering my face with my hands. "I see that you meant well, but this just isn't working out."

"I am starting to see that." He grumbled. "I'm sorry that I put you through this, especially since you didn't get to have an adventure." Ranger just sat and stared at us shooting daggers through his eyes, but I ignored him.

"Once I realized where I was, I kind of got a little too excited and jumped in head-first." I sighed. "I used to spend hours after hours when I was deployed fantasizing about how awesome it would be to be here." I waved my hand around. "Meet everyone…Ranger, Joe, Stephanie…even Grandma Mazur." Ranger stiffened involuntarily. "I probably had a pretty unhealthy obsession with it. I wanted to get to know the Merry Men…she never talks about them. Maybe get to know the characters for who they really are…not just for the superheroes and thugs she portrayed them as."

Diesel wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. It felt nice. "How about I take you home, and when you are ready to try this again…just give me a call."

"This is pretty crazy shit." I said, shaking my head. "I don't know if I can do the whole mercenary man-handling again." I looked over at Ranger, who seemed to be looking at us like I had sprouted another head. "Plus, my fantasy scenarios would never come true…he is in love with Steph, and so is Joe. The only other character that I really was intrigued by was Les, and I met him briefly. He thinks I am here to kill everybody."

"What the fuck are you two talking about?" Ranger finally stood, and stalked over to us. "This is crazy! I should put you both in the Looney bin."

I stared up at him, and sighed before turning back to Diesel. "Can we go now?"

"Sure." He sat up, setting me gently onto my feet and held my hand. "Ranger…a pleasure as always." He wrapped his arms around me. "We are going to pop out of here..is that good for you?"

"What about my things?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Don't worry..They will be with you when you get back." He leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Remember…call me when you want to come again."

"I will. Thank you Diesel." I said, before the whole room disappeared and I slipped into unconsciousness.

I woke with my neck stiff, and my arms tingling.

"Shit." I said, lifting up my head. I was in my car sitting in the parking lot of the diner in Iowa. "That was one fucked up dream." I shook my head, before starting the car and putting it in gear. As I was backing up, my phone chirped. It was a text message.

SORRY AGAIN ABOUT ALL THAT. HAVE FUN ON YOUR VACATION. CALL ME SOON.

DIESEL

"Holy Shit!" I yelped, stomping on the brakes and staring at my phone. It was a dream…wasn't it.


End file.
